Getting angry sometimes is totally normal. We all find stuff in life that makes us angry. When our anger is used carefully and constructively it can be a powerful force for helping us to get our voices heard and make changes in our lives for the better.

But just because anger is a normal emotion, it doesn’t mean that it’s easy to cope with. It can be really uncomfortable to talk about and many of us find it hard to express it openly.

Some of the harmful ways that people deal with their anger include:

  • Shouting at people
  • Breaking stuff and throwing things
  • Hurting other people physically and emotionally
  • Harming themselves

Although these ways of dealing with our anger and frustration might make us feel better at the time, we may come to regret them especially if we end up hurting ourselves or the people that we care about.

Equally, we might ‘bottle up’ our anger and not express it at all. Although it can seem easier at the time not to say anything, suppressing anger can make us feel much worse later on.

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The Resilience Lab has some tips for your self-care toolbox!

Get the basics right
We know it can be tempting to let all the simple stuff that helps go out the window, but eating right and getting some rest can help to generally make you feel less irritable.

Express yourself
Talk to someone you trust about how you feel. It can really help to know that someone understands and you might get a different perspective on things. If there’s something in particular that is causing you to get angry they might even be able to help you find a way of improving the situation.
What fuels your fire? Keeping a diary of when and what makes you angry can help you to see any patterns emerging. Just recognising your triggers may be enough to help and can support you to feel more in control.

Get creative
Get creative! Use the energy of your anger to express yourself. Keep a journal, doodle, paint, write a song or make a playlist of tunes – no one else has to see this stuff other than you.

Learn some tricks for keeping calm in the moment
When in doubt, breathe out – some people find that taking some deep breathes can help to keep them calm when they notice the anger rising.

Some say that counting to ten before they react can help to give them the time to see things a bit more clearly rather than saying something they might regret later.

Different things work for different people, be willing to try things out until you find the one that works for you.

Have time just for you – make sure you find time to do the things that help you feel calm and relaxed.

Be patient with yourself– it takes time to learn how to cope with anger, so don’t beat yourself up if you lose your temper sometimes.


You don’t have to do this on your own! If you’re finding it hard to cope with your anger, whether you get in a rage or bottle it up, it’s important that you get some support to help you manage it. Anger that isn’t dealt with can leave you feeling really low, stressed and upset. It can also get you into trouble and make things much worse than they are. Don’t wait for it to get this bad…

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